Climate Expert Charity Smith, who specializes in the environmental impacts of two queens coming together to maximize their joint slay, saw a significant uptick in global noise pollution early Thursday morning.
“Oftentimes significant increases similar to what we saw today stem from large public gatherings like parades, political rallies, and national events like the Super Bowl,” Charity tells us. “But as we examined the cause of today’s spike, we were able to pinpoint the source as something completely different. It was gay men”.
Confused at first as to why all the gay men were screaming, Charity quickly discovered the cause of this behavior upon opening Twitter to check for news. “I saw a post that Miley Cyrus was going to be featured on Beyoncé’s new album, and suddenly everything made sense”.
Noise pollution readings are already returning to normal levels following the initial excitement of the announcement, but the damage of such a rapid increase has already been done.
“Reptiles in particular are very sensitive to noise pollution,” says Charity. “Our field researches recorded hundreds of lizards, snakes, and crocodiles covering their ears in pain, trying to block out the high pitched screams of the gay community”.
Charity declined to answer as to whether or not these reptiles were displaying homophobic behavior.
