Wildlife experts are stunned today upon making groundbreaking communication with 150 year-old tortoise Lucinda “Lucy” Hardshell. Over the past three years, Lucy has been attending daily Morse code lessons at the University of Florida, and her hard work has finally paid off.
After Monday’s lecture, Lucy made her way to the front of the class for the first time since starting at the university. Sensing her desire to communicate, Professor Johnson placed a piece of chalk in her mouth and raised Lucy up to the board. Through a serious of dashes and dots, Lucy magnificently managed to write a code which translated to three incredible words. “Please kill me”, she wrote. Her professor and fellow classmates erupted with applause as they stared in wonder at Lucy’s unprecedented ability to communicate through Morse code.
“We’re so proud of her and how far she’s come”, says Lucy’s caretakers at the Florida Sanctuary for Elderly Animals. When asked what the next steps were, her caretakers were overcome with excitement: “Now that we know she can speak to us, the possibilities are endless! Right now we’re in talks for Lucy to sign her first book deal, and there’s also been some discussion of starring in her own limited series”.
Reporters at Tastefully Unhinged were lucky enough to score an interview with this up and coming star, in which she shared her thoughts on her newfound fame. “. -..- .. … – . -. -.-. . / .. … / .- / .–. .-. .. … — -.”, she told us, which roughly translates to “existence is a prison”. Keep being awesome, Lucy!
