Dating apps have become one of the most common ways to meet potential parters in today’s world. But be careful, because some of those profiles are truly horrifying. Here are 5 unsettling Tinder red flags to watch out for.
#1 – “6ft if it matters”
First of all, a measly six feet tall is still wildly short in my opinion, and the fact that you’re highlighting it in your profile suggests that you think it’s some sort of accomplishment. Also, clearly it matters to you if you’ve decided it was important enough to dedicate a spot for it in your bio. Did you know that Tinder has a specific feature that allows you to enter your height? And then you could use your bio to say something less pathetic and irritating? Just a thought.
#2 – Calling Themselves a “Golden Retriever”
I don’t care if you are the sweetest, most loving person that has ever graced the surface of this Earth. If you are calling yourself a golden retriever in your Tinder bio, you are objectively the most self-absorbed, delusional motherfucker that I’ve ever laid my eyes on. It’s just so cringey. I hate when anyone says a guy has golden retriever energy, but for a man to say that about himself? Sound the psychopath alarm.
#3 – Snapchat Filters
Thank god the psychopath alarm is already going off because it looks like we’ve got another nutcase on the loose. What in the everloving hell are you, a 23 year old man, using Snapchat filters for? Moreover, why the fuck are you even taking selfies on Snapchat?? And lastly, what synapses are not firing in your disturbed excuse for a brain that made you think that it was okay to not only take the picture, but then proceed to save it and upload it to your dating profile? The only person that should be swiping right on you is a licensed medical professional so that someone can try to figure out what the fuck is wrong with you.
#4 – No Smiling Photos
Don’t you know that you’re never fully dressed without a smile? Not only are you subjecting me to some seriously unwelcome nudity, but you’re also exuding somewhat of a threatening aura. Have you never experienced joy? Do you always just have a really bad attitude? If these are your best photos, are you just not photogenic? Or are you perhaps a serial killer? These are the questions running through my mind.
#5 – First Photo(s) With Your Much Hotter Friend
Yes, I am being quite superficial with this one, but Jesus Christ you’re just setting yourself up for failure. Too many times have I come across a profile where I’m instantly drawn to the hot guy in the picture, only to tap to the next photo to find out that the profile actually belongs to his dreadful looking friend that I didn’t even notice. The real sin here comes when the first two photos are with the same hot friend. Because at that point I’m fully convinced I’ve got a winner, and then I hit an individual photo and it’s like a nuclear bomb of ugly. Talk about a jumpscare. It’s really just not okay.
